I can’t believe Lysander turns ten months old today! My little baby is getting so big!
When people throw around the phrase, “Kill yourself” I don’t think they realize how much power those words carry. Whether or not its in a joking manner, those two words aren’t a shallow insult or funny joke. They are words that people struggle with and attempt everyday. It doesn’t matter if the person you say it to doesn’t struggle with suicide. You don’t know who is within earshot and you shouldn’t be saying that to anyone. EVER.
It was boring yet nerve wrecking. For awhile I just sat it in the room with the tv on being anxious about it all. Then she cleaned spaces for the little stickers to stick to on me. There were spots in my hair, on my chin, around my face, on my chest and on my legs. Later she came back with the sticker things and I had like 20 diff sticker things all connected to this box. She also put these straps around my chest and waist to tell when I was breathing. I had to wait awhile till she came back to connect all my stuff so I could go to sleep.
Then I was really anxious, I didn’t know how I was supposed to go to sleep with all these wires hanging off of me. But I did. I guess I fell asleep before thirty mins bc she said if I didn’t fall asleep before then that she would give me a little bit of sleep meds.
In the morning they said I snore a little and have a mild form of sleep apnea that should go away if I loose some weight.
I have a sleep study tonight. It makes me really nervous.
Not as nervous as before I went to see my therapist. He made me realize that there aren’t going to be a lot of pressure and need to be perfect. I mean I don’t have to go to sleep. It’s ok if I can’t sleep or need to get up to go to the bathroom or something,
That even if I can’t go to sleep that is still info for them to process.